Have you ever had something rolling through your head that you want to blog/write about but think you may be opening yourself up a little too much? Or maybe what you want to write about may offend someone if they realize who are what you are talking about. You know what you want to say but are afraid it may come across wrong?
You think about it. Dwell on it a little too much. You know it is your own recollection and bad memories and others will not remember it in the same way. Things that have happened a long time ago and you have gotten passed it. Moved on. But it still hurts.
School years are brutal. I cannot speak for boys but girls are retched. I have very distinct memories of some of the girls that I went to school with and how mean they were to me. Well not just me but a lot of other girls also. I hated going to school. I could not wait to move away after graduation.
I left after graduation and never looked back. I would go home to visit my family but that was it. No class reunions, why would I subject myself to that? Some things I just could not let go of. Things that I remember clear as if it was said yesterday. Never anything physical. Words. Words that were said that filled me with hatred for them. I could never understand how people could be so mean.
Of course now as an adult I have a much better understanding of people and why they do what they do. I know also that these people have completely forgotten just how mean they were to me. Is that a flaw in me that I cannot forget.
I went home for an all class reunion after 23 years after some serious encouragement from a dear friend, the only person I kept in contact with from school. My husband went with me for moral support. I had no high expectations. Just expectations of bad treatment from people that I went to school with for 18 years. Why was I doing this? Curiosity is probably the best answer to that question.
What I did get was a huge hug from a girl that hated me in school. The things she said to me back then were nothing but cruel. I can rattle of a dozen things right now. All I would like is to forget them. I was very confused by the warm greeting that I received from her. Did she forget just how bad she treated me? Or did she just not think that the things she said were mean or had an impact.
I have heard that others that I have gone to school with are dealing with bullying with their own children. She is now experiencing bullying with her daughter. No, I am not thinking Karma is a Bitch.
What I am thinking is they kids have no idea that they are doing it. They think it is funny. They are just kidding around.
Just joking around while saying very hateful things.
These things have long term affects on people. I just don't trust people easily. I tend to believe that people will do what they can to serve themselves.
Having a teenage daughter has brings all these things so close to the surface. I don't dwell on others being mean to her. I worry about her being mean to others. Why isn't it the other way around? Is it that I know she is a strong, beautiful, smart girl. That she has everything going for her?
I don't know how I would handle it if she were mean to others.
I don't know.
Maybe ignorance is bliss.
I also have two boys. I am sure that I will experience some trials with them also.
They are very different though. That is for sure.
Much easier to understand.
Sticks. Bugs. Building stuff, Taking it apart. Things seem to be very clear with them.